I feel the breath escape me as Chief Wolf-Who-Calls finishes his story. We commune with Gaia in the shade of her tree, heads bowed, sat with our families; father, mother, daughter and son. I look across at the proud couple, snug in the warmth of the firelight; Heart-of-Oak standing solemnly with his chest out and his wife Standing Rock gently bobbing the newly-arrived. Next to them and a little apart is Leaping Deer, Standing Rock’s mother, alone at the edge of the shadow. Gaia brought her husband to the Next World eight seasons ago, with the arrival of big Rearing Horse.
Chief Wolf-Who-Calls speaks, “My friends, my family, Gaia has blessed us with a new arrival, born of Heart-of-Oak and Standing Rock,” he pauses, bowing at them with a faint smile before continuing, “The time has come for the child to be named and for Gaia to take Leaping Deer, mother of Standing Rock, into the Next World.” At this the water comes to Standing Rock’s eyes and Heart-of-Oak places a hand on her shoulder, the chiselled flint of his face softening. Leaping Deer gently pulls her daughter close, putting mouth to ear and giving soft words flight before letting her go. Standing Rock nods, wiping her eyes with her free hand.
Chief Wolf-Who-Calls beckons Leaping Deer over to a circle of wild flowers laid before him. She walks slowly, calmly over to the circle and seats herself on the yielding grass. I hope that when the time comes for Gaia to take me into the Next World, I shall face it as bravely, with such dignity, for even though there is nothing to fear, it is still the unknown.
Leaping Deer’s face is serene as the Chief speaks once more, “O Leaping Deer, we thank you for your service to the tribe, for the strength of your body, for the wisdom of your mind and for the kindness of your spirit. We have but one final service to ask of you,” as he speaks he gestures and Standing Rock, her grief causing her to spasm silently, brings the newly-arrived over.
“We ask that you name this child, your daughter’s daughter, the continuation of your line. Let your end be her beginning.” With this he hands a carved wooden bowl to Leaping Deer. She drinks deeply before laying back on the grass. Standing Rock, the water flowing again, steps forward and kneels at her mother’s side, holding the child close to her head. We wait as for thunder while Leaping Deer lies perfectly still, her eyes closed in Gaia’s embrace, reuniting with her husband. Her eyes flutter, she lifts her head slightly as the name “Lions Paw” forms breathlessly on her lips. Then her head drops slowly back and her eyelids become still as Gaia takes her spirit from her body. Standing Rock clutches at her mother, shivering with the chill of grief, cradling the newly named Lions Paw close to her chest. Heart-of-Oak approaches carrying a bowl of ochre. He guides Standing Rock away and delicately daubs the paste across Leaping Deer’s forehead and down her nose, then nestles a sculpture of Gaia, carved from oak, in her hands.
The Chief calls an end to the commune as the child’s other grandparent lays a doe skin over Leaping Deer’s body. It is hard to believe that she is gone, no visible change has occurred yet the vessel is empty, now a husk, never to move again. Tomorrow her husk will be fed to the great fire and the ashes given to feed a new growth in the Forest of Ancestors.
We file solemnly into the gathering dark of the Forest. We all feel Standing Rock’s pain, her loss is all of our loss. Yet we are not permitted long to mourn, for now we go to celebrate the life of Leaping Deer and the birth of Lions Paw. The old gives way to the new as it is throughout all of nature and the circle of life continues whilst Gaia watches over us, until we too are called to the Next World.
We emerge from the treeline and walk towards the firepit in the centre of the camp, tonight the flames rise high like the fiery ghosts of the trees that feed it, as the drums begin to pulse and the shadows of our fellow tribesmen flitter across the undergrowth. I sit next to my mother Hunting Crane, with my brother Cloud-of-Thunder, his wife Swift River and their son Charging Bull next to us. Cloud-of-Thunder heads off to fetch some firewine, a special treat reserved only for such occasions. Swift River asks if she can braid my hair and I nod, coming to sit before her. She places Charging Bull in my lap and removes the band from my hair, letting it fall down over my shoulders. My father named Charging Bull, it is a good strong name and although he knew his grandson only briefly, I know he was proud that his death held such meaning. I love Charging Bull dearly though I cannot help but miss my father. Such is the way of things though, the son renews the father’s father and the daughter renews the mother’s mother.
I catch my mother looking at Charging Bull in the firelight as he taps a stick on the floor, a wistful smile on her face and I think she must miss my father too. She sees me, reaches a hand out gently and touches my face. She must be thinking of her mother, who named me.
Cloud-of-Thunder returns carrying some firewine for himself, my mother and me. I notice that he hasn’t brought any for Swift River. We brought down a boar in the hunt earlier and there is meat to be shared. He drops himself down on the ground next to me and tears the meat into pieces, taking a bite out of mine before handing it to me. I laugh and punch him on the arm, reaching to grab his piece from him but he shifts away and Swift River scolds me for moving. I settle back down as Cloud-of-Thunder pulls a funny face at Swift River. The anger melts from her face and we all laugh.
I look around and notice Seeking Monkey, the Chief’s son, looking at me across the flames. He smiles at me and I can’t help but smile back. My mother teases me and I look up at her, guilt flushing my face. This Rebirth I come of age and will find a mate of my own. She understands what I am thinking and once more strokes my face, reaching down and kissing me on the top of the head.
* * *
I pick my way through the Forest of Ancients toward the mighty Gaia tree that towers above its heart, I am to go gathering with Seeking Monkey and his sister Snow-That-Drifts. Laughing Fox is stood by the trunk sharing words with Seeking Monkey, Bending Willow and Bright Moon. Snow-That-Drifts stands off to one side, her face clouded with impatience. Seeking Monkey smiles at me as I approach and I feel my face redden. Laughing Fox notices and can’t help but comment, “Have you been for a run Reclining Bear? You look flushed!”
“I always run in the mornings Laughing Fox, it sharpens me up. You should try it some time.”
“Owwww, too sharp to handle, for you cut me so deep,” she replies, wilting and feigning hurt.
“Don’t worry little stripling, your bark will protect you when you grow up.” I notice Bright Moon is staring at me, his big dark eyes set in an expressionless face. It is unsettling. There is an awkward silence and I feel suddenly aware of myself.
Seeking Monkey breaks the silence, “Bending Willow, hadn’t you better take Bright Moon and Laughing Fox and go to appease the spirits? You might have much to do, it sounds like Cloud-Of-Thunder upset spirits aplenty last night.” He turns to me as the others head off chuckling, “We have our own task to attend to.”
I feel a warmth in my chest, “Just be sure that the Forest is the only thing you try to forage,” I reply, a smile pinching the corner of my mouth.
“Laughing Fox is right, you are cutting today,” he says laughing, “If only I could gather up the pieces of my broken heart.” We both laugh.
“How did you enjoy the celebration last night?” I ask, remembering his winking eye through the firelight.
“I could have enjoyed it more,” He says through a coy smile, “It looks like we’re ready to go.” I have completely forgotten Snow-That-Drifts and I am not sure that I manage to hide my disappointment. I turn around to see her standing a couple of paces off, tapping her fingers impatiently.
“Why brother, do you hunger that you drool so?”
“Ah sister,” Seeking Monkey chimes, “If your eyes are half as sharp as your tongue then we will be done in no time.”
“Save your quips for Reclining Bear, brother, for if your hands are as desperate as your jokes we will be done even faster.” She brushes past Seeking Monkey, catching his shoulder with hers. Seeking Monkey turns as she passes, pulling a mocking face at the back of her head. I pull one too and we both stifle a giggle as we turn to follow.
We let Snow-That-Drifts get ahead of us before matching our pace, light and heat flows through my body. I cannot help but think of the coming festival and pray to Gaia that Seeking Monkey chooses to pair with me. There has been something unspoken between us for as long as I can remember. I think of my mother and I remember that it is a hope tinged with despair.
Snow-That-Drifts disappears into the undergrowth. As we continue past I can see her swinging herself up a tree laden with ripe bosomfruit.
Seeking Monkey takes my hand and quickens his pace, turning and putting a finger to his mouth before I can give words. I look up and see, for an instant, a shadow passing across his face. It disappears as he meets my gaze.
“Something troubling?” I say, my voice low.
“Not at all, but as much as I love my sister, I would prefer it were just the two of us.”
“Oh really,” I smile, “she cannot hear us if we keep our voices down.”
“Maybe I’d want to do more than talk.”
“Who says I’d let you?” I say, unable to hide a smile, “besides she is here, so what are you going to do about it?”
“Reclining Bear… I come of age this Rebirth. If I find a mate and we conceive and it is male, my father will have to take the draught and I will become Chief.”
The shadow which troubled Seeking Monkey earlier returns to his face.
“Being Chief is a great burden, but you are strong. You would make a wise and brave leader.” I tell him.
“There are things the Chief sees that others do not see. Nothing is as it seems.”
“Of course Seeking Monkey, the Chief can have words with Gaia. You will understand her better than anyone else. And you must learn to see things in ways that other people do not see.”
“There is more to it than that. Perhaps I will show you.” He smiles again.
“Trying to impress me are you?”
He ignores my jibe for a change, “It’s better if I show you,” He says, pressing something heavy, cold and angular into my hand. “Meet me by the Gaia tree after dark on the night of the Rebirth, when everyone is at the festival, and you shall see.”
“Sounds like a trap- Sorry that’s Morning Star not Asteria, my mistake.”
He looks at me quizzically, having missed the signs of approach, then a different shadow falls across him.
“What are you two doing?” We turn to see Snow-That-Drifts, standing arms folded awaiting an answer.
“Nothing sis, get your fill of bosomfruit already?”
“It’s amazing how quickly you can get things done when you’re not wasting time flirting. I’m going to check a patch of gnarlroot that grows further up the track, you two had better have gathered more than your wits the next time I see you.”
“Suit yourself.” Seeking Monkey says coolly. We spend the rest of the morning searching quietly under Snow-That-Drifts’ watchful eye.
* * *
I wake early and spend the morning with Laughing Fox and the others, working on decorations for the Rebirth, carving images of Gaia, festooning the trees at the edge of the Forest with garlands and spreading petals on the ground. She is stood on my shoulders trying to hook a garland over a branch, “Do you have designs on anyone to be your mate?” I ask her. She is pretty and fun to be around, she could likely have her pick. She hangs the garland and jumps nimbly down off of my shoulders.
“If I had my way Reclining Bear, you and I would be together,” she looks up at me, her eyes shining and I cannot tell if she is joking.
“If I have my way, we will always be together Laughing Fox” I reply, smiling back.
“Gaia needs us to have children for her I suppose,” she says, “Otherwise who would worship her?”
I am about to respond when there is a commotion at the edge of the camp. My brother, Bright Moon and a couple of the other tribesmen are carrying something between them. Others are running to help them and we too hurry over.
As we get close my brother spots me and leaves the group to block my path. Laughing Fox peers over the edge of the blanket and looks away quickly before looking over to me. I can tell from her face that it is Seeking Monkey.
“Please Cloud-of-Thunder, please let me go to him.” I ask quietly, our eyes meeting, and my brother lets go of me.
My head feels light and my stomach heavy as I walk over; none of this seems real. Bright Moon and the others look at me, then at my brother as I approach, but do nothing to stop me.
“We found him like this in the woods.” Bright Moon says, his dark eyes averted. I take a deep breath and look over the edge of the blanket.
It is Seeking Monkey. He lies there awkwardly, his body forming a gully in the cloth. His arms lie limp across his chest, his eyes staring up out of their sockets. It looks as though he could be playing and I almost believe it but for his pallor and the terrible wound at his neck. It catches in my throat and I feel my innards clench, forcing tears to my eyes. I turn and run, trying to get the image out of my head but I cannot, it lies there, his body forming a gully in my heart.
* * *
The day of the Rebirth arrives and as the others celebrate life in the firelight, I find myself confronted by death at the edge of the Forest of Ancestors. My small body casts a huge shadow over Seeking Monkey’s tree, though inside it is the other way around. Everything before me is darkness.
I feel a presence behind me but I know it’s not who I want it to be, so I don’t bother turning. Lone Raven, the elder, sits down next to me. I am surprised, Lone Raven is the only person in living memory who has gone against the will of Gaia, the only one who has chosen to be alone. He is the oldest member of our tribe, and the least popular. His face, framed by long thin silvery hair is covered with wrinkled shadows in the firelight, like tree bark. His keen eyes catch the light in their midst and the long thin line of his mouth cracks as he speaks.
“I am sorry about Seeking Monkey, Reclining Bear.” He rustles. I have been searching for an answer to this but I can only give him the best I have.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. We have all lost him.”
“Yet I know what he meant to you and you to him. How are you feeling?”
I do not hide the truth. “I feel nothing about anything.”
“I wish there was something I could do to console you, but I know that there is not. Consolation makes its own way.”
We sit still for some moments, then I give words, “How do you manage it, oh Lone Raven? Do you not get lonely?”
“This tribe of ours is warm and cosy for those who follow it’s rules. But it is cold on the outside. I made my decision, I accept the consequences. I choose to be who I am and I refuse to let others choose for me. That is what keeps me warm.”
“How did you end up alone?”
“I loved someone once and he loved me. We could not be together, it was not Gaia’s will. He turned away from what we had and took a wife, changed who he was for the sake of the others. I was not willing to.”
“But why not do as he did Lone Raven? Why not take a wife if it is Gaia’s will?”
“Do you ever ask yourself why, Reclining Bear? Do you ever wonder why we follow Gaia? Why any of it? I have had much cause to ask why.” His words are not harsh, but light.
“You are brave. Perhaps one day I will be as brave as you.”
“Bravery or foolish stubborness, sometimes only time tells the difference. They are both gone into the forest now and I am here. Life is longer than you think though it moves quickly. It is important to know that you always have a choice, Reclining Bear, and that you must live with it, come what may.”
His words fly away leaving silence in their wake. We sit with the heat on our backs, gazing into the forest.
“I have never known such numbing pain. I have never known someone taken from us so quickly and so suddenly.”
“I have not known such a thing either yet my memory is long. Strange is it not?”
“Strange that it should happen now, just as the Rebirth is about to begin. This too is strange, he gave it to me.”
I show the stone carving to Lone Raven, the distant firelight catching its angles and etchings. He peers at it, weighing it in his hands.
“It is beautiful, such craftsmanship, these strange symbols, I have never seen it’s like. I wonder where it came from,” He can barely put words to air, he seems to drift off through the trees before us, then he blinks and is back, “I do not know what it means. But I do know that nothing is as it seems. Seeking Monkey deserves to have the truth known about his death. It is the only way for you to put him to rest.”
“You are right Lone Raven, thank you for your wisdom.”
He rises, cracking as he does so. I have never seen someone as old as he. He rustles off back towards the fire. I am in turmoil, but I know where I must go.
* * *
I take the carving from my pocket and examine it; heavy and smooth, the angles perfect, almost impossible to make with our tools. There is a symbol etched on it, some kind of circular eye with an elongated pupil like a cat’s. I walk around the gnarled trunk of the mighty Gaia tree, running my fingers over its ridges, searching high and low for something unusual. My fingers catch on a section of the bark, which lifts away as I pull. Beneath it is an angular recess which matches exactly the shape I have in my hand. The recess contains the same cat eye symbol. I slide the carving in.
There is a click and a void opens in the vast trunk. I slip through as the portal closes behind me. I find myself in an enclosure, it is lit but I can see no sign of fire, nor feel its warmth, nor hear its crackle. I stand blinking as my surroundings sharpen around me. There is a huge, wonderfully smooth sculpture, made of a stone that I do not recognise. Its surfaces are filled with gourds of brown liquid, each inscribed with strange glyphs. I take one down, break it open and lap at the liquid. It burns like firewine. The broken gourd is cold and heavy and it bites as I run my finger along it, drawing blood. It is another strange kind of stone, one that can be seen through.
I see another pair of totems and inspect them, breathing slowly, trying to gather my thoughts. They are both made of the same strange stone as the larger, one is made into the shape of a crouching person, its lap tucked under the flat curve of the other. On the flat curve is a box and as I watch, strange glyphs written in light appear and run over it’s surface. I watch them, fascinated by the patterns. They are not elegant, there seems to be a sense of urgency behind them as they rush past one after another. An eyeball appears in the centre of the surface and the other lights coalesce around it. A curve draws itself around the outside of the eye and on the curve appears a dot, moving slowly around it. Next to the dot appears the word “Gaia”. Another word appears large and flashing beneath, “Begin”.
I stare in disbelief at the surface, at the eye, at the tiny dot named Gaia circling the giant sphere, unsure of what any of it means.
“So that’s what he did with the key.”
I freeze, it is the Chief’s voice. I turn to the doorway and there he stands, a sad smile on his face.
“What is this?” I ask quietly.
“That is what the ancients called a “planet”. You will know it as the Next World.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Of course you don’t understand,” He scoffs, “What you see before you is as far beyond your reach as language to a newborn. You don’t possess the necessary tools to comprehend it. All that you need understand is that everything you have been told is true. Gaia watches over us, protects us from harm and guides us on our journey. A journey which began many many thousands of seasons ago. Please child, come away from there.”
I look at the image and thoughts crash and flood through my mind, surging, barely comprehensible, then a blinding flash ripples through my brain and disappears down my spine. The Chief starts towards me, determination carved in his face but he has already exposed his weakness. I reach my hand out to the flashing lights beneath the eye and I see him hesitate.
I speak, “Nothing is as it seems. The Next World is a place like this. Gaia has brought us there. The journey has ended.”
The determination falls from the Chiefs face, replaced by confusion, “Yes, that’s right. Gaia has brought us here. We have arrived.”
“Then why have we not entered the Next World? Seeking Monkey is there and my father and all the rest.”
“That part is a lie. There are no Ancestors there, they are all truly dead, gone forever.”
I do not know whether to believe the chief, but I cannot see how the dead could travel to such a place and get there ahead of us. I suppose I have always just accepted it without thinking about it. The countless names, a tree for every one, those I have loved and those I have but known and those of whom I cannot even say that, all lost. I cannot fathom that they are all gone, never to be seen again. But then it seems there is much I have not fathomed, yet there is one here who has, “If that is so then it is a lie you have been keeping alive.”
“That is what a Chief does, he keeps his people safe and happy even if he must lie to them to do it. The others are happy with the way things are, they are together.”
“Not all of them are.”
“But most of them are. You speak of Lone Raven. He made his choice. Should the many suffer because a few do not like the will of Gaia?”
“Should the few suffer because the many cannot accept them for who they are? In the Next World they could be free of Gaia, free of this lie. We all could. No more sleeping draught, a grandparent could live to watch their grandchildren grow. And what of our destiny? Surely it is our destiny to reach the Next World?”
Chief Wolf-Who-Calls snorts, his face contorting in mockery, “It is a savage planet, untamed, with countless hazards of which we know nothing.”
“But we have Gaia, this place, if we need refuge.”
“The land we left, it was riven with concepts that we cannot even understand, tribes fighting tribes, murdering one another because they believed different versions of the same story. People sacrificing their children’s future so that they could live more comfortably. Deceit, death, disease, corruption and endless pain and uncertainty.”
“We are not free from death and deceit. And we are not innocent of sacrificing our children’s future.”
“I have done what I had to do to protect the others, for the greater good. I loved my son.” Here he pauses, “There is one enemy that Gaia cannot protect us from.”
“We are already succumbing to it.” I reply, “Why did you kill him?”
A look of resolution comes over his face, “I did not want to. He was to come of age this season, he was going to choose you as a mate. I began to instruct Seeking Monkey in his duties. He has long know of all this…” He waves his hand at the lights, “He wanted to tell the tribe of the Next World. He wanted them to decide for themselves. He did not understand that the knowledge alone was dangerous, that it would divide us. What keeps us strong is our unity. We have no conflict, because we all accept our lives as they are.”
“But it’s all a lie! We accept nothing because we are not presented with a choice!”
“What does that matter? Is the truth worth the cost?”
“Our future lies down there in the Next World.”
“And what if people feel otherwise? Once they are told, the illusion will be gone, they will no longer be able to live their lives as they are no matter how much they wish to. You will be making their decision for them.”
“Is our destiny just to sit still, to lead the same life generation after generation, to go nowhere and to do nothing? To remain here living and dying but achieving nothing?”
“But they are happy, Reclining Bear. They have each other and they are happy. What else matters?”
“If people wish to stay with Gaia then they can, it will make no difference to them where they are. You have no right to choose what’s best for these people.”
“Do you? You judge me, Reclining Bear, but how different is what you’re doing to what I have done?”
“I am opening up a world of choices, choices everyone will be able to make of their own accord.”
“You are opening up a world of pain and misery. You have no idea what it will cost you. What it will cost all of us”
“Whatever it costs we will bear it together. We are strong together, Gaia has given us that, but it is not enough. We can be more.” I feel myself flood with certainty.
“And what of me? I hid this from them, for their own good, but they will not see it that way. Without Gaia I will lose my protection, my privilege.”
“Is this what you have sacrificed so much for? Your privilege? Is that what you sacrificed Seeking Monkey for?”
I see pain in his face, there is no rage there, only torment. I continue, stripping the anger from my voice, “How they see it is none of my concern, you made your choices and you must accept the consequences. I will not keep our tribe from their destiny to protect you from those consequences.”
The Chief makes his way to the larger carving and takes up some of the strange firewine, examining the label, “Thousands of years of tradition, our entire culture, will evaporate. Our Ancestors forgotten, even Gaia in time,” he pulls the cork from the gourd with his teeth and pours the transparent brown liquor into his mouth, “Does none of that mean anything to you? Do as you please, I will not stop you, nor will I be responsible for the death of everything that we are.”
I instinctively reach towards the box and touch the flashing word of lights, smearing blood from my finger across it. The Chief does nothing to stop me, perhaps there is nothing he can do. I cannot move, my head filled with awe, my gut dancing. I have no idea what the future now holds, but I too have made my choice. I have made a choice for all of my people, for better or worse. Yet there was no other choice I could make, I know it with everything that I am. The Chief stands still, he does not seem to notice me any more, he just sits sipping from the gourd and staring into nothingness.
I regain my legs and make my way back outside. This land is all a facade, I see that now. Nothing is as it seems. It is not by the will of Gaia that these things exist, but the by the will of something that willed Gaia into existence, that gave her this mission.
The world begins to tremble to the heavy beat of drums and I feel my heart beat with it. The cries of animals echo through the quivering trees and I feel my spirits roar with them. I stumble back to the camp, the Forest alive with movement. The people around me stand cowering, huddled with families and friends. The dark mantle of night splits, riven by a wedge of pale green light as the thunder rises and the very ground shakes. Cloud-Of-Thunder stumbles up to me with my mother and his family, their faces pale with fear.
“What is it sister? What is happening?” He yells into my ear over the din.
I look at him as he waits expectantly for my answer, inhaling the fear from him and feeling myself grow with every breath in, “It is the Next World.”
Copyright ©2017 Simon Chaney